wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
