it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
