my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
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I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
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It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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