When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
