I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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