I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
