Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
