Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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