I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
