I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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