The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
