well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
