She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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