Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
