im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
