He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We need a shit load of segways right now
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
