So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
