so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
