He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
