I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
