one two three fourrrrnication!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
