Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
