i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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