I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
