I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
