words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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