i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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