I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
