Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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