he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
