just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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