Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
