And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
