Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
