saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
