I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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