I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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