She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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