i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
