Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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