I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
