Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize