i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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