her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
