there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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