we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
