too bad you live with your parents still
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
