I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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