As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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