my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
