shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
