I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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