from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
