I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I AM VODKA MAN
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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