I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
