At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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