I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
