shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
