hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize