Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
