It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
