Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
