Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just high enough for therapy.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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